July 11, 2003
     I haven't updated in a while. My dog died a couple of days ago. I don't  know it's just been weird without him. I feel so different. I couldn't stop crying but yeah. It's so sad when things die. Yeah so like I don't know about anything anymore. I took my senior pictures. I don't think I liked the way everything went. I didn't like my hair. I had it how I normally have it when I go out plus a red flower. Yeah So I don't really know. We have this drama thing that I'm in at school. It's like really cool. We didn't really tell the school about it. We invited boys in it but only the ones we know. I only know one of
the boys but I don't really talk to him. Yeah...I find that we have the same clothes. It's really funny, we both have the same Ren and Stimpy T-shirt and
Tuxedo shirt. We also have two pairs of the same shoes. Black and White Checkered
Vans and the red and white ones. I would so laugh my ass off if we can wearing the same thing. That would so not be cool. He reminds me of someone I know. So yeah like today is 7-Eleven day (7.11.2003) so we went to 7-Eleven for free 7.11 oz's of Slushy. It was really funny. So yeah. I like tape. My teacher and friends think I have a problem. They did this whole improve skit called translation about my problem and they tried to help me. They all held hands and stood in a circle around me. It was funny but I was really nervous. I don't like people so close to me like that and she was holding this piece of tape in front of me and she wouldn't let me get it and in front of me she totally balled it up. It was like so really sad. I want to get a fake ID but I don't think it would work because I'm going to be a senior and people still think I'm a freshmen. It's like really bad. I'm starting a sewing class tomorrow. It's like my first day. I hope it goes like really cool and stuff like that.  I want a gay friend but like gay people from TV shows...Funny, outgoing and just like
really cool. It's like whoa...I want one of those. I don't know how that makes me
sound but yeah. I want to have a movie night like really soon. What I really
want to do is go to like a fucking party. Yeah. But little hangouts like movie
nights are cool. So like I got my nails done. I liked them. I just got a
manicure. It was really nice. I like the color "Million Dollar Red" I'm trying to
let them grow but when I get nervous or bored I chew on them. yeah I just
noticed today that when I'm like doing work for school or whatever I bite the back of my hand. I really like that or I take my pony tail and move it to the front and I play with my curls. You'd have to see it to know what I'm talking
about...My dad bought a bunch of stuff from the Internet...He's really weird but
the stuff is cool...RANDOM INSIDE JOKES..."They have burns in Canada?"..."My name is Paula and I'm a Hindi from Canada."..."Moose Caca?"..."The
French?"...(spits)..."I spit on the French"..."The French? (spits) "..."She wants her beef in her taco"..."That's what she said"..."Best Buy Crazy"...
 
LATER THAT NIGHT
      I don't like that in my sisters Diary she always writes about how she
hates this family and that she wants to leave. I hate when she talks like that if she really did hate this family and she really did want to leave, there is nothing stooping her. I'm not saying that I want her to leave cause she's like my sister and cool and stuff. When she talks about friends she never includes me and she's like that's because you're my sister. Doesn't that just suck a lot of ass? How could I be nice to someone who doesn't even like me? She's talking about how I'm mean to her all of the time most of the time I'm fucking around with her and it goes to far but still. I hate it when she talks like that. And I hate the way she doesn't like believe in God or she's always laughing at people who do. I don't know man, that's just not cool. I'm not saying it because I want to be a nun I'm saying it because I used to say that crap and I sounded retarded. Man like It wasn't this big ass miracle that made me believe
in God again. I don't even think there was a time that I didn't believe in Him. But yeah everyone has there reasons so I don't even know. Just Carla if you're reading this don't take it in a mean way. This is really the only time I talk about you on here and it's in a "bad" way whereas in your diary you're always saying how I'm mean and that I'm the bad person. Just take a look at yourself before you talk shit. That goes out to everyone. Before you talk shit about anyone or anything you better know what you're talking about or you're going to look like an ass hole.
 
July 13, 2003
     Wow...I can't believe I'm in love...Yeah I'm actually in love...With a TV show...or Characters on a tv show. It's not that I'm REALLY in love. I'm just saying that. The show is so funny and a lot of inside jokes has come out of it. It's a Canadian tv show on a Canadian channel...Canadians are funny. Yeah but it's like little kids. Or they're playing little kids... or I don't know. One day they're in "Grade 7" and "Grade 8" and the next day they're juniors and seniors. It's really great. I'm hooked on it. Sean, Seans brother and the gay guy are so really hot, so it Joey Jeremiah...I hate Emma. It's like so pathetic how I feel about this show. I like scream every time it's on. They had a MARATHON OF EVERY SHOW. Oh man. if they ever came out with DVD of all the episodes I would so get it. I love that shows come out with DVDs of the episodes. Yeah so like I have a lot o those. I have two of The Simpsons, South Park, Futurama, The Man Show, King of the Hill, Family Guy, Mr. Show, Kimba the White Lion and Speed Racer. Yeah all very cool except for Mr. Show. I can't stand David Cross. I like Bob Odekerk I think he's like relly cute. I can't put my finger on who he reminds me of but he does. I don't know why people don't like King of the Hill. It's such a great show. It's really funny. So yeah like today is my mom's birthday. It's a lot of people's birthday today... Happy Birthday to my mom, Happy Birthday to Josh, and Happy Birthday to Rodrigo
 
July 19, 2003
     So every time I go someplace I see this one guy who went to CHS and I've talked to him like once to tell him he had a nice jacket on. I saw him the other
day and I wanted to go talk to him because he had on a really cool shirt, but I
didn't. So I went to the 311 concert yesterday. It was really cool. I went
with my sister, cousin and her hot ass friend named Aaron who is like damn good
ass cook and shit. Yeah he was really hot. He used to go to CHS. So yeah like
311 has the HERB. I also did the most fantastic burp. I felt really good. It
was so awesome. I started laughing at the end of it and then let a little more
out. So this Aaron guy has some pretty nice hair. It's Long. I like long hair but there's a certain type of long hair that I like. I like the Jesus long hair. Like not cut in the front or anything. Just naturally grown and stuff. He said it's been 2 years since he's had a hair cut and it's like so very nice and soft. He looked like Oscar. Yeah Oscar is a hot one too. They both remind me of Jesus and of each other. The way they talked and more there eyes. I don't know. So I had fun. Yeah like today I was so totally late to my class. It was like ummmm okay...There's this really nice girl who's voice can like so totally get on you if you hear it like really loud and for a long time. It hasn't gotten to me but I can tell it could. So like I was way behind on my work and I could so tell that I was getting on my teachers nerves or something like that. She's looked like really tires. I wanted to say sorry but it didn't feel right saying sorry. I think I said it as I was comming in but I don't know why I didn't say it again. I really should have, but I didn't. Hmmm...I hope that it's not going to get to me later. Right now my parents aren't home and I'm so totally bored. I have nothing to do but this. I read somewhere that being bored can actually kill you or make you do things you normally wouldn't do. Like clean or do homework in my case. I really like shourd study for my math final. I don't know why I'm not...oh yeah...CAUSE I HATE MATH LIKE SO MUCH!!!!!

LATER ON THAT NIGHT...

    I hate that I work so hard on this thing and NO ONE looks at it. Why do I do this like seriously. .......................................... While playing with the dots...actually while I went to go get something I decided that I really don't like these certain people or person. I used to be kind of close to them but not so much anymore. I don't think I ever did trust them but I told them things to see if I could. I don't know. Ummm...I don't know where this is going but who the fuck cares because I'm talking to myself...So I could do whatever the fuck I want, I could talk about whatever the fuck I want. I could do anything the fuck I want like repeat myself over and over again. You know what I do like about this...that no one reads is so I could do whatever the fuck I want. I could talk about whatever the fuck I want. I could do anything the fuck I want. I could do anything the fuck I want like repeat myself. My brother is taking care of business. Yeah I can talk about anything I want. "Oh you got rid of Matt Stone and Trey Parker?" It's like way hot and I like the way something smell. So shall we (by we I'm talking to myself because no one reads this thing) get back to this not liking people. So yeah what I really want to do is meet an OLDER guy like 23-41...That would be cool. It used to me 35-41 but then I met that one guy Aaron and I saw his friends so I was like hey why not...I've misplaced my water. I do not know where it is. I think my brother took it. I'm not really sure. I think I want to talk to someone on the phone but there is no one who talks to me on the phone. So like I just threw my house phone onto my cell phone and it made a sound I didn't like. There are a lot of sounds I don't like. The sound of my own voice...The sound of other people's voices. You could name one thing and...Yeah I don't know where I was going with that. It sounded so right in my head but as I was typing it I don't know, something changed. My brother is singing Cheap Trick.........These things "Martin is swell".......I saw this girl with the most annoying shirt at the fair but I forgot what it was. I know what was annoying about it but I forgot exactly what it said.

Carla wants to do something everyweek. Like regularly...I don't know. It seems like a good idea but since I'm SOOOOOO not cool and SOOOOOO not popular and SOOOOOO not pretty and SOOOOOOOO annoying and SOOOOOOOOOOOOO everything people aren't some of the people that I want to come won't come. I actually used to want this certain people to come but they never did they're all SOOOOOOO busy...They kill me I swear...but whatever...So yeah Movie night/visit to see my boyfriend at the 7-Eleven every week/looking at the whore house/finding a place to sit every week at my house...better idea..."PNC"